Loneliness is harder to bear in the months after a relationship has ended. I miss cuddling and sex. I miss holding hands and playing backgammon. I miss the companionship and having someone to do things with.
He and I weren't going to go the long haul. We didn't have enough of the right things in common. But we enjoyed eachother's company. We had fun.
And I am so tired. Just tired and worn out. Tired of always having to take care of everything by myself, without even another to talk about it with. I'm tired of having to go to movies and restaurants by myself.
I was in a workshop this past weekend. And we had to partner up. Everyone was partnered up except me. I announced I needed a partner and someone showed up. But in the afternoon, I was again without a partner. I almost started crying. I felt like such a loser. Once again I was going to have to cope with doing a two person thing all by myself. So, I started preparing to do what I could by myself. And then another person who had been left hanging by the others came over and asked if I had a partner. Thank God. He was a nice person and I was glad to have a partner for the exercise. But it makes me sad that I am so sensitive about this.
He and I weren't going to go the long haul. We didn't have enough of the right things in common. But we enjoyed eachother's company. We had fun.
And I am so tired. Just tired and worn out. Tired of always having to take care of everything by myself, without even another to talk about it with. I'm tired of having to go to movies and restaurants by myself.
I was in a workshop this past weekend. And we had to partner up. Everyone was partnered up except me. I announced I needed a partner and someone showed up. But in the afternoon, I was again without a partner. I almost started crying. I felt like such a loser. Once again I was going to have to cope with doing a two person thing all by myself. So, I started preparing to do what I could by myself. And then another person who had been left hanging by the others came over and asked if I had a partner. Thank God. He was a nice person and I was glad to have a partner for the exercise. But it makes me sad that I am so sensitive about this.
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Re: What I miss....
Tue, November 7, 2006 - 2:26 PMI feel you. I've been on my own for nearly 5 yrs so you can imagine the range of emotions I"ve been through on various holidays. Last year my only friend got hitched then moved away which left me thinking something must be wrong if I can't find someone after all this time.
Anyway, I put the lines out occasionally so I feel like I am doing something. I figure it must be something about being someone eclectic in mindset that scares guys/gals away. *shrug* I do miss having someone in my life even just friends. I don't mind the online scene but it hardly makes up for standing in a line and being the only one not talking to someone. It has forced me however to be much more outgoing so I don't get the total "I'm a choad" feeling.
In the end, so long as I get out and stay active in the gym or local pagan groups I feel someone will eventually show some interests other than sexually (don't mind that but...its not really want I want all the time).
We shall see. I hope all is getting better w/ ya :) -
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Re: What I miss....
Sat, May 5, 2007 - 2:22 AM<< I miss the companionship and having someone to do things with. >>
I think that's the thing that I miss most -- just the assumed stupid things that you would have enough sway over your SO to do -- the family dinners, the "you've already eaten, but would you sit with me while I scarf down a pizza" things...... all the unspoken things that everyone does in twos or threes or more......in your 30s, mostly in twos, though, and I'm not in a good relationship right now.
Its weird, when I was happy and married to my love, eating out by myself or doing anything by myself (quite honestly) sounded luxurious -- and it was at that time -- we were so joined at the hip that I never ever did things by myself. I ate it up 99.999% of the time, but just occasionally, I thought it would be great to be alone. In a fit, I broke up with him somewhat for that reason, wanted to stand on my own -- and now been standing like an island for almost 3 years at this point. Everything that seemed so luxurious to be able to do alone now just cowers me in a corner or keeps me from getting out of bed so I don't have to face it altogether. -
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Re: What I miss....
Tue, May 8, 2007 - 4:28 AMI remember in my younger days how I hated being alone so much that I would just date the first guy who showed intrest, just so I could be with someone. I didnt think I was strong enough to face life on my own. It took me many years of bad relationships to relize that I was never alone. The world is full of life and love and I didnt need to hook up with any looser that came along to make it. I guess the hardest part was trusting in myself and believing I could be alone and still be happy. It was hard, like having withdrawls and many times I wanted to just go back to the old ways. But I held out and waited.........and what I found was a world full of people, good and real people that I did not necissarly have to 'be with' to enjoy. Being alone and being lonely are not the same thing. If we are alone in a world with Millions and millions of people around us, then maybe we should search with in to find out why. The walls are useally built from the inside out. For my self, it was shyness and fear of rejection that kept me isolated from the love around me. But then I realized that alot of the social settings I feared, are full of others with the same fear inside them too, but trying anyhow.
We are all just slipping and sliding along the same road.....dont be afraid to reach out and grab hold of someone and say hey! Lets walk it together. And if you end up taking sepeprate paths later, it s ok cause the road is 'FULL' of people on the journey of life. Keep your head up, your feet moving.......and your arms open! Trust in life, trust in love and most important trust in you.
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