Besides being lonely, I am currently in Stcoholm Sweden where I moved from Northern Indiana just outside Chicago. I came here for better job prospects..but that did not pan out. I had a job working as a mental health Professional before I left in a group home for adolencent boys...long story short there was a young man sexually abusing another low functioning young man...I asked my boss what he would do about it but nothing did..I reported it (doing the right thing) and was fired, let go...My landlady was letting herself into my apartment and stealing and calling me on the phone and constantly harrassing me....it was a bad seen and my lease was up. Took a chance on a companion from tribe from here who had visited me in the USA every month..but she is a divorce and has a huge battle gooing on with her ex husband and has 3 children in need of psychological care...so OUT OF THE Frying pan into the fire so to speak. I am now returning to the USA to my only friend, but he lives with a woman who is abrasive and doesn't like me..I return home with meger funds..no job and a temporary place to stay. I thought having 5 degrees and going to college for 12 years I would not have trouble finding work....but I did. I taught college for years and then as I was not tenured did not have my contract reknewed due to professional jelousy...since then I have taken low paying jobs that are not in my fielf of study studio fine arts and Art History..degrees as useless as toilet paper..last job Ihad paid just over 10 dollars an hour....scrapping to get by and working long hours and being stalked by my landlady, I had o time for dating and like now spent all my time on the computer. Now in two weeks I will be back in the USA....since I have beenhere 6 months I have huge culture shock, I have not driven my vehicle left in the Us for 6 months....all will be strange and a long hard road to a settled life again.....Why am I lonely? Because I have been doing this on my own for years...being strong, being couragious, positive, pushing myself...but when your not happy in your job and don't even have co -workers as friends.....shit yes it is lonely...being different doesn't help. I am not the regular football watching man..sigh. I sit here quite alone in Sweden wishing I had a warm and loving family to return to..but My Mother died young of breast cancer...my stepfather has remaried as has my sister and brother ad family ties have grown weak....seems they have no room or comapsion for me in their lives. I know I am currently in a shitty situation..I know I am returning to a shitty situation..the worst part is doing it all alone...and I am the type of person who thrives in groups and with suportive family and friends......so bsides being very lonely I am alone in crisis. any suggestions?
posted by:
|
-
Re: Alone and very afraid
Fri, April 4, 2008 - 2:54 PMYou’ve got many things on your plate at the same time. If you survive this, you will be able to survive anything ;-).
My first suggestion is to do what you can to feel calm and centered and loved. Do not let fear take over. Fear can paralyze us and take away our belief in ourselves and our abilities. It can make us weak and let external factors – other people or life situations - get the best of us. Try to trust yourself that you can get through this, and that you have the ability to draw love and close ties into your life, create your own family of friends - along with a new sense of home, and regain your foothold in the world. Also trust that the universe will give you what you need. Try, at least, to have hope. Hope is essential. I believe things will get better for you. They certainly cannot get worse ;-).
My other suggestion is to continue to open up to people, as you have been doing, continue being honest and be yourself and ask for help. You need security, love, companionship and support. Seek friendships, ask for help, and accept help that is offered – if you trust the source.
I’d also suggest that you don’t get “into it” with your friend’s girlfriend. Imagine a protective bubble around you when she is near so that her abrasiveness doesn’t hurt you. Know that it is *her* shit… and try to have compassion if at all possible. Compassion will melt away any hard feelings and prevent further hurt.
I may be wrong; I may be telling you things you already know. This is off the top of my head. If I think of more, I will email you.
Peace and love,
Dean
-
Re: Alone and very afraid
Fri, April 4, 2008 - 9:35 PMSuggestions? That kind of sounds like my situation. I'm "different", am distanced from family (physically and politically) and had to do it all on my own (as an artist, although I'm more of a commercial artist but I freelance, so am alone cooped up in the house a lot when I'd like to be talking ideas with peers). However, I'm noticing that in my community, there's an urban revitalization effort underway to attract artists and other creative people with special lower-rent rates. They're trying to get a creative arts and theater community going in the neighborhood. Perhaps you can find a community like that?
Also, with the way the economy is going, maybe artists and other creative people should continue revitalizing small towns and older urban neighborhoods, as they've done in many cities. I knew of artists, musicians and students on shoestring budgets who would rent or buy older homes in older parts of town, fix them up, and create a nice little community. In some cases they learned home improvement skills and would end up buying even more fixer-upper properties, fix them and then sell them for profit. Older neighborhoods were built during an era where people didn't depend on cars to get everywhere so there's more of a chance to become more acquainted with others in the community.
www.alamut.com/subj/evolu...espair.html
www.kunstler.com -
-
Re: Alone and very afraid
Sat, April 5, 2008 - 9:05 AMThank you both for your replies and suggestions. Buying a house is out of the question at this point..but finding an art community would help and I know of one back home. !st and formost I will take Deans suggestion. Ioften place a bubble of protection around myself around negative people. I have forgotten to trust myself and my abilities or have just grown tired. I must regroup myself so to speak and change my way of thinking. To make friends is difficult after a certain age...no more bar hoping or clubscenes..no more University communities...where does one make friends when one grows older..well I will put out to the universe to attract.
My step father works as a fixer upper in carpentry and has a business but hasn't offered to let me work with him.
I have learned skills both as an artist, stage desighner and builder and as a fixer upper in general....I guess I must prioritise..1st get a job...think possitive and get out there..maybe join community theatre or community art group.
Everythings seems harder as I am older..not as bold as I used to be. But I thank you for the responses of good will and suggestions.
I am trying to train myself to live in the moment and one day at a time that way fear does not build up as much.
This seems to be working for now.
Thank you both for apreciated suggestions. -
-
Re: Alone and very afraid
Sat, April 5, 2008 - 12:53 PM<<To make friends is difficult after a certain age...>>
difficult, but not impossible. Once you start working you will meet people, you can meet local people online, meet your friend's friends, join a spiritual community or an artist's group or organization.. you have to make more of an effort at our age, but there are opportunities to meet people.
<<My step father works as a fixer upper in carpentry and has a business but hasn't offered to let me work with him. >>
have you asked him?
You have some good ideas, Kalona. With help and support, I think you can do this.
{{{{hugs}}}} -
-
Re: Alone and very afraid
Sun, April 6, 2008 - 5:48 AMthanks again for responses...will do my best to stay positive and make changes in my life once "home".
-
-
-
