Well, just because you have someone doesn't necessarily mean happiness or wholeness. My husband is in his own little world and me and the kids are just "here." Is that sad or what?! It makes me so angry! I'm married BUT I am very lonely. Sometimes I feel like I'm going to go crazy thinking about it so much. It's hard not too! We live in the same house of course, we're married, and I shouldn't be lonely! Shouldn't we be best friends to say the least?! I try to be close to him but he just acts uninterrested. Of-course except when he wants to get laid!!! Sorry, but I'm so pissed and tired of it already!!! And we haven't even been married that long!!!!!!!!

Sorry Amber, others say I should "move on" too, but when I love someone, I LOVE them. I don't want anyone else.
I'm already hurt, but one day she'll really know how painful it is for me, and if she loves me as she says she does, then she'll not WANT me to feel bad!
Yes I'm optimistic.

I do fear that like Cecilia's husband, mine may still live like a single person after we're finally together, doing things she wants to, for herself, ignoring me, or worse... actively ensuring to keep me out of "her" life and "her" goals. She's already said things like this, such as when we go on a vacation this year, she wants to spend most of the time doing stuff by herself, although I don't think she'll be totally alone, but will be with others to interact with at various events or projects, but just not with me. Ouch!

:-(

Since I'm no longer at my job, I've said I intend to move, but she says she's not sure I should, as she wants to make sure our relationship is ok.
So I cannot get a job here or there, since I might move, or I might not. If I do I need to get a job there I need to be there, if I stay I'll get a job here, but she only said she *might* move.

It's EVEN more painful since I'm totally supporting her now, and paying bills and rent in two places is no good, and all while not getting daily comforts, like hand holding, watching TV, cooking, eating, kissing, cuddling, and even doing "boring" things like shopping together :-(

I think being truly yourself is almost impossible. We are a product of our enviroment. When we are in the midst of stiff necked board room types or a crazed pack of party animals, we are molded by that enviroment. Even when we are alone, we tend to be a different person. By the time we figure out who we relly are, we're too old to do anything about it.

>Not many are open to any sudden changes in pesonality.

Or in behavior, even in positive ways. Or even when you attempt to break your own patterns and do something normally outside yourself.

The response would be "pleasantly surprised" at best. Other responses can be frawn, irritation and even anger. If you have a partner who tends to be insecure, that might not work at all.

Also, we live in a society - an environment - where being yourself is easily taken as being seifish, egotistical. Where is the line between a positive interpretation and a critical stare? Why should you care, if that's for your personal growth?

I actually like the phrase "be yourself", because it's a reminder, first of all, not to lose myself and my perspective. But on the other hand, it sounds cheesy, because our society saturated certain images associated with the phrase, without pointing out that there is a fine line between being yourself and being a self-centered bastard.

All of us change over time, unless we are really stuck in one place for all our lives and we are okay with it. That's almost the same as being dead, at least to me. Our changes are hopefully some kind of personal growths for the better. If you feel an urge to break out of your shell, to supress and internalize the urge won't make you happy, I would guess. It will be just another brick in the wall around you. You will have to decide that you have to attempt something for your growth, even if your behavior is interpreted as being selfish and egotistical.

This is where being alone as a single or a married makes a huge difference. If you are single, who cares about being selfish? As far as you know, you are alone and lonely, both physically and emotionally, anyhow. Being married and feeling alone is quite different, and that''s another story. My point here is that being alone itself can be a powerful catalyst and a trigger for your growth and positive changes. Being alone, you don't have to feel any guilt, you don't have to think about excuses to explain your attempt to push the envelop, even few attempts fail, and you are the only one person who is judging you.

So what about being married, feeling alone, and trying to find a way to feel like I am alive and happy? Well, that's where I am at, just wondering. I don't have an answer for that yet.

i dont know that being yourself takes work, but rather perhaps it just takes practice...
and, whether people like change or not, how they deal with it, well, whats more important, what they think or how i feel? i have to be true to myself... if im constantly trying to put on the right persona so people will like me or wont reject me or get freaked out as i grow and evolve, now thats work...
i want to attract people into my life who can accept me just the way i am...
if they dont, or cant, honestly, i have to give serious thought as to whether it serves me to have them in my life...